Non-Resolution

It's my usual year end routine to make New Years resolutions. I don't mind that they're pretty much the same from year to year. It's kind of fun to look back at the end of the year and think about how well I accomplished them (or not). I don't think I'm going to make any for 2005, though. When I look back and remember where I thought I'd be at the end of 2004 and compare it to what has actually happened, I realize that sometimes you just don't even have a clue how life is going to change or how you are going to change it. It wasn't like I was caught at the mercy of events going on around me. I somehow found a way to stop hiding from and avoiding things in my life that felt oppressive. In the process, I shocked a lot of people who thought they knew me well and some of them were definitely not pleased. I know I hurt some people too, and I'm sorry for that. But I like how things are now much better, even if I'm going to start out the first week of the new year in court. The legal shit will someday pass and be done with. Even with it still going on, I find myself looking over my shoulder less often and expressing myself more. I'm looking forward to seeing what 2005 will bring.