Navel Gazing

I don't blog as much as I used to and lately the only thing I seem to want to write about is the fact that I'm going to be 40 in just about a week. Let's all hope it gets here soon so I can get over it already.
It's a big turning point though. I am now old enough to have given birth at a not ridiculously young age to basically every student I teach. It's not my goal to have them consider me one of them. I've been teaching long enough to know that the ability to claim some authority is a necessity in running a class, even at the college level. You can't do that if you're everyone's buddy.
I do think it's time to change some of my attitudes, though. It's time to stop chasing numbers whether they signify age or what shows up on my bathroom scale every morning. I went back to Weight Watchers last month and just went to two meetings. It wasn't as much fun going alone compared to when I used to go with my dad and my niece. I picked up some good ideas while I was there. It's always a good place to learn lessons and attitudes you can apply in all kinds of ways in your life.
Anyway, while I was out walking today, without my hat so my ears were aching from the cold, I was also thinking. One thing I thought was that I don't write as much now because I don't walk as often as I used to since it's so cold outside and also because I have lost (temporarily, I hope) custody of my dog in this whole breakup of the marriage thing. Another thing I thought is to change my attitude toward the whole "diet and exercise" thing. It's not only about numbers. I have to internally change the way I regard all the external things. I have to move because there's joy in it and it makes me feel good. I have to cook and eat because I love both those things and it makes me happy when I take the time and thought to do them both well.
On my way home today there was an ambulance in the driveway of a house on my street. I saw them bringing out a person who lives there on a stretcher. I don't even know if it was a man or a women, but it was a person of extremely large size. The son, a young man who is also of an extremely large size, was standing in the driveway watching the EMTs take his parent away. When the ambulance pulled away, it had it's lights flashing, but no siren and it was moving slowly. I don't know if was because the occupant wasn't in a life threatening situation or because it was already too late.
I know there is a balance between being obsessed about your body for vanity's sake and taking good care of yourself. I grew up as a fat kid. My parents used to tell me they worried I'd end up weighing 300 pounds because I never knew when to stop eating. I'm almost 40 years old and it's still kind of an issue for me, but not really. I thought writing about it might bring me to some kind of epiphany, but it hasn't. I think I might need to get older for that to happen. I worry about things less the older I get. That's one thing I like about it.