Overload

Sometimes it's so hard to bite my tongue. I get tired of being patient and waiting for my day in court because I really want to know right now if I get to spend any of the friggin holidays with my kid or if I'm going to be held hostage to my stupid ex's warped sense of "fair" boiling down to an equation that the order of the days of the week mean more than holidays do. Not that he ever really cared about holidays or did much more than show up to celebrate anything. Holidays, anniversaries, any public recognition of any event being significant or meaningful didn't sit well with him. But how the hell was I to know that when I agreed to marry him six weeks after we met. It's all ancient history now, but if you ever find yourself in a similar position, just stop a moment and ask what all the rush is about.
I hate Mondays. I have a full day at school. Then I rush home to pick up the girl from the neighbor's house. We go home and deal with homework. I get dinner together early and have her fed and ready to go to girl scouts by 5:15. That gives me an hour and a half to hit the laundromat and put gas in the car, mail out bills, pick up whatever we need at the drugstore or any other little intown errand. We're home by 7:30 and now I'm ready to crawl into bed and hide under the covers, but the laundry needs to be put away. There's more homework to be dealt with. She has to call her father and I leave the room and pretend not to listen to the conversation, while I do just that because I get paranoid she likes him better hecause he buys her more stuff, even though he forgot to send her back with her lunchbox yet again this week.
I don't want her to be without him, but I want this all to be done. I want all my shit back from the house. I want my dog back. I want a reasonable schedule for the holidays. I want my cut of the house and the freedom to move my money around if I need to. Hell, while I'm at it, I want a job that pays me enough so I don't have to worry about having to ask for help. I want a day when I don't worry about someone else or if I'm good enough at the things I'm trying to do that I feel like I'm sucking at when I'm probably doing okay in reality.
Hmm, sounds like I need a drink and fixing one of those is something within my capabilities at the moment. I need a drink and to go to bed early and get up and do my yoga and try again tomorrow.