Yesterday in the car my girl asked me how you can know that a guy won't get all lazy and sloppy after you get married. I thought it was a pretty brilliant question. Really, how can you tell?
She was fairly detailed in her line of questioning. "Do you have to start yelling at him all the time? Like if he leaves dirty underwear on the couch do you say "Hey! Don't leave your dirty underwear on the couch!" (leaving dirty underwear on the couch? ew.)
I talked about relationships always needing time and attention from both partners and that it is important to pay attention to the way he treats you before you decide to get married. I pointed out that a guy who is a fun boyfriend isn't always a great choice for a husband.
My mother never discussed this kind of thing with me or my sisters. I remember asking for advice over whether or not I should call a boy I liked in fifth grade and her comment was "I'm not interested in boys. I prefer men." That didn't help me much. Not many men attending the fifth grade and if there were a fifth grade girl should steer clear, I figure.
I told my girl to keep asking questions. It's fun talking about that kind of stuff with her. I told her no one gave me any advice and I wish they had somewhere along the way. Even if you reject the advice you get, at least the advice giver made you stop and think about it. When I said that the girls said, "Oh, you mean hear me now, listen to me later." She's an awfully smart cookie for a ten year old.
4 comments:
I think it's great that your daughter wants to talk about those things. And it's even better that you're quite laid back about the advice you're giving. You must have a really good relationship. I see so many shaky mother-daughter relationships in my line of work, it worries me. Good to know there are are good mothers with good daughters still out there. So many of the ones I see are based on one side bullying the other or guilting the other. V sad.
I think girls should ask boys straight out, "if some day we get married some day, will you get all lazy and sloppy?"
And I think boys should answer onestly, which is, "yes."
And the girls will probably say, "oh, OK."
But at least they'll have been warned! Honesty. Always the best policy. :)
I hope you told her this road goes both ways... maybe not "lazy" and "sloppy" but I can think of a few other common complaints about wives... actually maybe your daughter's too young for that discussion.
She's only ten. I don't want to give her the "people suck" speech at this point.
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