Ass Pants aka Non Mom Jeans

I'm wearing new jeans today. They are not the "mom jeans" my 40 whatever year old sister and 13 year old niece have accused me of wearing in the past. I think my previous jean choices (non-lowrise, boot cut jeans) and a particular jacket I used to wear in cold weather are what led to my niece labeling me a soccer mom. Yes, I'm a mom. Proud of it, too. Since I was away living in Japan for most of that decade when the term soccer mom came into fashion, I'm not even really sure what one of those is. To the best of my understanding it's a mother who drives a minivan and chauffeurs her kids to their soccer games, stopping at some fastfood restaurant along the way to feed them while she chats with whoever on her cell phone the whole time. Doesn't sound all that much like me. I guess appearances can be deceiving. I tend to use them to deceive actually. Well, not so much to deceive as to project an image that will help me achieve whatever it is I'm trying to accomplish. So when I go to teach, I dress like a teacher. When I go to my girl's school, I dress like a mom. When I go out to see a band at a local bar, I dress like I don't care because I don't, so it's jeans and a tshirt that isn't black because it's guaranteed that at least 85% of the people there will be wearing black. When I work at home where no one can see me, sometimes I stay in my robe until noon. But today I am wearing my new lowrise (but not embarrassingly or uncomfortably so) jeans and a black tshirt because I'm at home working (well, slacking from working as I write this but it's all on the same computer anyway) and then I'll go pick up my girl from her morning activities at noon and if anyone wants to label me one of those lowrise jeans wearing soccer mom types that's really not my concern. And this whole little tirade should teach me not to read stupid articles and advertisements posing as essays on salon.com anymore because they're still paying women writers to obsess over this kind of shit in public and I think it's just more of the same crap you'll find in any glossy women's magazine you'd find at the checkout counter at the supermarket. Not sure why I'd actually expect anything more from salon.com though. They're just trying to make a buck like every other publication for profit.