Thursday, July 26, 2007

Noniversary

Tomorrow will mark the first time in 17 years that July 27 will not be my wedding anniversary.
Seventeen years.
That's crazy.
That's a hell of a long time.
And sometimes it seems like it all happened in another lifetime. I don't think I'm that same person anymore. The one who chose to behave badly in reaction to a bad relationship rather than be courageous enough to leave it. I don't regret the choices I made because I had to make them based on where I was at the time (and the way the laws work there). But now it doesn't seem possible that I would ever convince myself it was worth staying so unhappy for so long.
Sometimes I'd like to go back and smack that old me upside the head for hiding my head in the sand. Except that playing woulda-coulda-shoulda is such a waste of time.

2 comments:

Kinuk said...

Happy non-anniversary! Have you got any special plans or will you just be chilling out?

They do say that hindsight is 20/20, so it's easy to look back and see what could or should have been. At least now, you've made your break.

Pam said...

Didn't do anything particularly special. I did have a drink, which is something I usually don't do. (And I'm such a wimp now that one or two drinks is about all I can handle.)
Mostly I hung out, relaxed and occasionally thought how nice it is not to be as anxious as I used to be.