Unbelievable

I used to work with Craig and would sometimes go out with him for beers. He wasn't married back then. His story is heartbreaking.

Can Dogs be Agoraphobic?

I think my dog is.

Best summer snacking is found in my backyard.

Sure summer, get all nice and perfect right before I'm heading off to Japan where everyone is telling me it's crazy hot and humid.

That is all.

Holding Pattern

So, late tomorrow night (tonight I suppose, but in reality early Friday morning) my girl is starting off on her journey to Japan with her dad for most of the month. It's kind of freaking me out. (Kind of might be an understatement.) She is going with her father and staying with her grandparents and rationally I understand that it's highly likely that everything will be fine, but the non-rational part of me is not happy that my only baby is going to be so far away from me on the other side of the planet. I'm not handling it particularly well and I'm afraid I'm going to eventually turn into one of those wacky basketcase empty-nest moms when she finishes high school and leaves for college.
When I was going through the divorce I was really afraid my ex might try to take her back to Japan, in which case I would have been screwed because Japan basically condones parental kidnapping by Japanese parents. (See here if you really want to get into). It obviously didn't happen but it was a huge fear of mine for a long time. My girl is no longer the compliant little buttercup she used to be. She's about to become a high school freshman and has that "kicking ass and taking names" attitude some kids develop at that age. (It can lead to recklessness, but it can also lead to not taking anyone else's shit, which I think is good in this situation.) I'm pretty sure one within one day her grandparents will start lamenting that she will have to leave them at the end of the month and they will do that emotional pressure thing they are so skillful at, where you feel like you should sacrifice your own interests because they're old and will be sad. (Well, I got sucked into that whole thing WAY more than I ever should have, but maybe that is just me.) I've made sure the girl has the information she needs to get help from me and several other people she can count on, if it comes to that. I'm even going to be in Japan myself for about half the time she is there. And yet, I'm still holding on to something that keeps me a twitch away from breaking into tears at any moment.
I'm mostly trying to cope by incessant internet surfing, watching stupid tv and knitting. (Kind of like a self-induced stupor without substances.) I break that up with yoga, trips to the gym and walking the dog. I feel better if I don't talk much and my appetite is pretty much shot, but that's good because it's helped me drop about 3 pounds and if I drop a couple more before I go then I will have reached the high side of an "acceptable" weight versus the actual weight I have weighed since about last summer, which is 5-10 pounds on the unacceptable side. (And which is not even all that terrible or health-threatening or anything. I just don't like those numbers.)
So, now that I've shared probably too much info, I guess I can go to bed. I think I've been staying up so late because it lets me sleep in later in the morning. This stupid wet, gloomy, sunless weather isn't helping me much either.

Work Stress + Sore Neck=Poetry?

It's easy to admire the girl from afar
seeming so deep with her angst and guitar
Her anguish illuminates your eyes
You hope your support will advise
the continuity of her art
Although another way to read her is
self absorbed and shallow heart
if it makes you feel attached to her dim orb
you put your attentions in the abstract
and not where you are

---

It's easier to love the idea of someone
than to actually love someone.
It's easy to admire their differences
when you don't have to live with them.
The grass is always greener
when you don't have to mow it.
The bird in the bush is prettier
than the one on the carving board.
But the one on the carving board feeds you.

Proposition

I was reminded that it was time for me to write my monthly blog post. Seems to be about the pace I'm keeping these days. And just to show what a yarn/knitting slut I can really be, I am propositioning anyone who still reads this to complete some random stranger's (but she's a knitter, so how bad can she be?) survey and then leave me a comment (or an email if you have that info) with the random number you selected and the sex/gender you entered so I can steal your effort and get myself better odds at winning Ravelry swag.
Of course, if you want your own Ravelry swag just take your own info and email it to her and steal my lock on the prizes. If this is all nonsense to you, just go take the survey and let me know your secret random number. Please.

Why All This Connectedness Doesn't Suck

I'll admit this blog is one of many that has fallen by the wayside as the latest wave of social networking sites has occupied my attention. Is that good? Is it bad? I'll reserve the value judgments for now.
One thing I can tell you that is good is that I can probably attribute a totally unanticipated 30 minute phone call this morning with one of my best friends from college who lives on the other side of the world to all the new fangled sns sites. He got me to join Twitter last month, which gives me a window onto his day to day doings. We were both logged into Gmail chat this morning and started chatting, which led to him asking if he could call so we could talk, which is a hell of a lot more efficient and fun than chatting online anyway. With really good friends the catching up part really never matters that much anyway, but at least the new networking options help us stay caught up.

Oh Gee. This Is Like..Shocking

Your Word is "Think"

You see life as an amazing mix of possibilities, ideas, and fascinations. And sometimes you feel like you don't have enough time to take it all in. You love learning. Whether you're in school or not, you're probably immersed in several subjects right now. When you're not learning, you're busy reflecting. You think a lot about the people you know and the things you've experienced.

What's Your Word?

I'm so suprised...not.

For Knitters Only

If thrums are supposed to be a "gateway drug" to spinning, I think I am in no danger of developing a spinning addiction. Making thrums is a pain in the ass.

At Last

What a day.

Just before she went to bed my daughter told me, "I feel so safe now that Obama is president."

I like that she feels safe. I feel a little safer too, but I know there are still many hardships for this country to overcome.

I was teaching the first Intro to Japanese Culture class of the semester today from 11 to 12:30 and I took the class into the language lab next door to watch the swearing in and the new President's speech. As we embark on a semester of learning about another country's culture it seemed important that we experience this huge change happening in our own and to see where we stand at this moment in time and what we stand for. I wouldn't understand half as much about myself and my culture as I do now if I hadn't spent so many years abroad. Sometimes you need a foil to see what it usually as invisible as air.

I feel like I learned a lot today about who we are as a country and how we are beginning to succeed in taking it back and making it for everyone. The President quoted George Washington about faith and virtue. Seems like it's high time for a return to virtue.

Yay!

"Awwwwww!!" enthused the girl. "He's wearing the hat you made him for Christmas! That's so cute!"

So said my girl as we drove home from school and she spied my 13-year old nephew walking down the street with a bunch of friends on this cold sunny afternoon wearing the hat I knitted for him for Christmas. He did look cute in it and I was happy to see that I had made the right choice for his hat.

Diversity in New England?

I decided to stop dropping too much money on mall store bras that cost too much and don't really fit or spending 3 hours trying on every bra in Macy's and then finally grabbing a couple of things that will suffice because I can't bear to leave empty handed after all that time invested. There's a nice little boutique in the area that advertises its bra-fitting expertise, so I decided to suck it up and go get myself some undergarments that will do the job, and do it well.  

Friday morning seemed like a safe time to make a visit. Probably wouldn't be too busy or anything, I figured. I made my way down the treacherously icy sidewalks of Exeter and walked into the shop to find an old guy with a balding pate and a long white ponytail who appeared to be wearing quite a bit of makeup chatting with the pretty blonde sales clerk as he made his purchases. Since my whole purpose to be there was to get a proper fitting I just killed time poking through the racks of merchandise while this guy continued on with whatever it was he was talking about. After about five minutes he left and the clerk came over to me, very flustered. I really wasn't phased by the old dude buying himself expensive lingerie, but the poor woman who worked there was a little shaken up. She was really cute and gave me a hug and apologized when she found out it was my first time to visit the store. I've seen all kinds of stuff and thought it was pretty interesting to see that type of diversity in a conservative little New England town.

(I also got some very nice items that fit and look kind of fabulous. It's part of my ritual to psych myself up for the end of my winter hybernation and my reappearance at the head of the classroom in a week.)