Some Days You Eat The Bear

A couple of weeks ago I attended the wedding of some friends and my sister read a poem called The Invitation as part of the ceremony. I've been thinking about this poem on and off since then. It was a bold choice for a wedding, but that suits the couple perfectly.
One stanza of the poem reads,

"It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy."

I found myself going over and around those lines in my head like a wiggly tooth. I've wrestled with that bear in the past. After wading through the mossy questions of "gee, is this an appropriate wedding sentiment?" and "can being faithless lead to being trustworthy?", I can see now that the betrayals I committed in the past all stemmed from an inability to admit the truth to myself, or even worse, an inability and unwillingness to share that truth with those who needed to know it. It's not good enough to flow along just to minimize friction. You need to hold your ground in the small daily struggles so everyone knows who you really are, even when that means you really are unpleasant. So you don't end up creating another shadow life to escape from the one you live and secretly despise.

Turkey Pot Pie

Let me know what you think about this. If at random odd hours of the night your darling had a habit of whispering "turkey pot pie*" in your ear as you slept or, worse yet, dozed on the verge of sleep, would you be at fault if, in your mostly unconscious state, you happened to aim a light kick or two his way?
*Why "turkey pot pie"? It's a joke that has evolved from a line in The Breakfast Club.

Mandatory Post of the Day

It's been warm around here for November, but I'm still knitting obsessed. I think it's due to the shorter days. This morning I went to Michael's and bought two kinds of yarn for "Christmas presents". I suppose eventually they will turn into presents, I'm just not sure who will receive what yet. Don't hassle me with those details! I just want to knit cute things. They'll find their rightful recipients after they're done.

One Point Advice

Upon your first visit to the home of your prospective future in-laws following your engagement announcement, if either (or both) parent(s) sinks down to his and/or her knees, bows his and/or her head to the ground and begins to thank you profusely for agreeing to marry their offspring, feel free to take a very long time to reconsider the wisdom of your decision to marry. It may save you trouble down the road. Just saying...

What I Hate About Teaching (aside from having to talk to people)

Heh. No, although in theory I dislike the whole idea of dealing with people, I actually enjoy them quite a bit in reality. I have to admit I enjoy having an audience in the classroom. What I really hate about teaching is grading homework and tests. That is why I am thinking about teaching a conversational Japanese class outside of the traditional school environment. I could have all the fun and none of the grading.

The Squeaky Wheel

got the grease. I guess sometimes whining does pay off.
This blog has been reviewed by Janice at N.H. Blogging. It was probably thanks to my whining in the comments section on Be Less Boring that although my boyfriend's and sister's blogs had been reviewed, mine had not. Now it has.
She likened me to "a lunatic accordion player with an attitude." For some odd reason this pleased me greatly. There's so much going on these days-- new house, divorce decree, reconnecting with old friends-- that I am easily excitable. Polka On Y'all!!!

More Big News

Wow, this is a week for folks I know in the news. Although I have sworn it off on principal, I picked up last week's copy of The Wire to see what info they had about the candidates and opened it up to see the artwork featured on page 3 was done by my boyfriend's brother in law. Turns out he just found out about it being published there yesterday too.
Today my mother told me to check out the front page of today's Portsmouth Herald. There's a big feature article on my uncle's retirement after 52 years in the menswear business. His retirement at 77 doesn't come as a surprise to me, and I'm glad to see it's really happening, especially since I was there before and after the open heart surgery he had last spring. Although it's foreign concept to my uncle and my dad, I'd like to see at least one of them slow down and take it easy. I kind of doubt it will happen, he'll just find himself another way to be busy.

Free At Last (sort of. With apologies to MLK for stealing the line.)

Although it wasn't written in liquified gold in Sanskrit after all, I am still very pleased to report that I have finally, finally, FINALLY received a copy of the divorce order from the court. And it only took 2.5 years from the time I left him to get it all done. Actually, it's not all done because now there is a 10 day window to appeal the decision, but I don't anticipate any problems. I didn't get everything I wanted, but that's why you ask for more than you want in this type of situation.

Lost and ...

Last night when we got home from dance class I realized that I was wearing only one of the earrings I made at the class on Saturday. My first pair of Pam-made earrings and I already lost one! I was bummed out for a minute or two until I realized that I made them so that means I can always go back to the bead store and make another one just like the one I lost.

Fireflop

Is anyone else not loving Firefox 2.0 on a Mac? It hangs and spins the rainbow colored wheel at me too often and sometimes when I open a new tab I cannot enter anything into the address bar. Not only that, sometimes my space key doesn't work to scroll down the page. Nope, not loving it at all, even though the restore function brings me back to the pages that were open when it started hanging and forced me to quit the program.

Old Friends

In the past few weeks I've been back in touch with some old friends. Maybe it's some sort of mercury retrograde thing. What always strikes me when I get back in touch with friends after years of no contact is how I still feel really comfortable communicating with them and how little seems to have changed between us. What also strikes me is how the people I have maintained these friendships with over the years, or in some cases decades, is how weird they all are. Not "his hobby is collecting antique sex toys" kind of weird, but "he has a reputation for freaking people out" kind of weird. Case in point number one is my old karate head master. I admit the guy is, in a way, off his rocker and is always willing to put his students in situations that will threaten their physical safety and emotional comfort zones , but I've never met anyone with more drive and confidence. He also has a great sense of humor. It also never bothered me that he likes to go around looking like a Japanese hybrid of Elvis and some sort of mafia figure and believes in his heart that he can be the next big thing in martial arts on a scale with Bruce Lee. I've never seen him back down from anything in fear or trepidation. I learned about testing and respecting my limits in his classes and in dealing with him in helping out with the dojo. He may have a flashy facade but when it comes to intent he is as straight an arrow as you'll ever find.
Last night I called and talked with a friend of mine from Colorado who is a musician and recording engineer and producer. He was a friend of my boyfriend's when I was in college. Me and the boyfriend didn't stay together but Bob and I stayed friends anyway. I never really understood why so many people seemed intimidated by him. Sure, he has little tolerance for idiots but there's nothing wrong with that. He is talented as hell musically and it wasn't until years later that I realized how much I learned from him about music and how to really listen to it.
My oldest, weirdest and best friend is Heidi. We became friends in the third grade and sometimes years and years go by between contact, but we're always the same. She ended up the way my mom probably wanted her girls to end up. She is married, with three kids and is a stay at home mom. She is still also the funniest, wackiest person I know. The last time I spoke with her it dawned on me why maybe my perception that I am really very normal is not quite the same as the perception of others around me. (In other words, I get called weird a lot.) All my life Heidi has been my standard of weird versus normal and most of the time I'm not quite as out there as she is. Thus, I am normal.
If the old "birds of a feather flock together" saying is true, I'm proud of the company I keep.

I Needed Another Obsessive Hobby

Yesterday I finally took a class at The Bead Bin. It's another one of those things I've been wanting to do for a long time but never actually sign up for. This was an earring making class. It was two hours long and I learned the correct way to turn a loop which means I can now make dangly earrings and lot of other stuff.
This morning the girl and I went to the craft store to get some paint for the volcano she is making for a science project. (Yes, it's going to explode and everything.) While we were there I decided to pick up some things to make stitch markers with. I've been a knitting fanatic for years, but I've never used nice stitch markers. It's always cut off pieces of straws or leftover yarn from some other project. I made these markers while eating lunch. (I have no patience.) I had to use whatever pliers I could find in my tool box so the loops aren't very nice, but for a few bucks I'm quite pleased with the result.

Now If I Just Take It To Heart

Great tips for any kind of freelancer.

Good Boy

I love having a dog. Who else is going to follow me around and look at me with such an expression of adoration? Of course, he does get underfoot and threaten to trip me up several times a day, but if that's the price of having my own personal fan club, it's worth it.

Howdy Folks

All these new visitors and me with nothing clever to say. The NaBloPoMo! Randomizer seems to bringing many visitors my way. Well, to you all I say, "hi!"
So, of course the presentation on "Student Motivated Vocabulary Acquisition" (sounds appropriately academically bullshitty, huh?) I gave at work yesterday was fine. I don't know why I insist on driving myself and everyone around me crazy for days before I give any kind of presentation. I mean for god's sake, I'm a teacher. I stand up in front of people and talk every day. Is there really a difference between that and a presentation? Presentations are acutally easier because I only have to know what I'm doing for an hour or so and I don't have to count on the audience coming back again the next day. When I teach I actually need to have a plan for the whole semester in line. Oh well. Anyway, I regularly think about quitting teaching because there's not a lot of money in it and sometimes too many students come to me with too many problems and excuses all at once. (I teach at a college, so they're all adults, in theory.) Then something happens to make me think about how I may actually be effecting peoples' lives in some kind of positive way and I think maybe I really don't want to quit after all. Yesterday this happened at a conference with my girl's teacher. In the course of conversation I mentioned where and what subject I teach. My girl's teacher asked me if I knew a particular student. "Oh yes!", I said, "He was in my class last year. He did well in the class." Turns out my former student's mother is a teaching aide at the middle school. My girl's teacher told me that all my former student talked about last year was his Japanese class and how much he loved it. That got me to thinking about this particular circle in the community between me, the student, his mom the teaching aide, my girl's teacher, my girl and back to me. It feels good to know that someone else had heard good things about what I do before they even met me. I guess that's part of the reward of teaching.

I Will Survive!

Thank you Gloria Gaynor for singing that song so its chorus can be my own personal anthem for the day. Due in class in about 4 minutes. More or less have my lesson plans ready but am now two days behind on grading student work. This afternoon I have to give the presentation to my work colleagues. Hope it doesn't suck. An hour after that I have a conference with my girl's teacher. That should be fine but I think her math class is too easy for her so maybe she can switch to another section or something. Then early evening I am going to attend the Open lands Committee meeting at City hall for the first time. I signed up to find out more about them at Apple Harvest Day and said I was interested in being on the Monitoring Committee, which means going out and walking the land to see that it's not being misused. If I can combine some community service with an excuse to go walk around in the woods and fields that's perfect.
NaBloPoMo Day 2-- got it.

Holy Mackerel!

I realize Standard Time reared its ugly head at us three days ago, but I've really been too busy to notice until right now that it is slightly after 5pm and it is DARK out.
In other Holy Mackerel! inciting news. I am slated to give a presentation to my departmental colleagues at the university tomorrow afternoon. I was fearing that no one was planning to show up since I am a lone wolf in that department and no one is obligated to show up for me out of political posturing or even collegial courtesy. Today I checked with the administrative assistant in charge of ordering in the lunches for the event and she told me 11 people have RSVPed. That's a good sized group. I suppose when free lunch is thrown into the mix that's added incentive. I wonder if I'll even have a chance to eat. Um, wait. That's probably the wrong thing to be worrying about now, isn't it? Well, I figure it won't suck too much and even if it does, what would the repercussions be? It's not like I can get demoted to a lower rank or position. I'm not even sure if I know 11 other people in the department. Ooh, guess I won't be stealth for much longer there.

Rabbit Rabbit!

First day of the month. First day of NaBloPoMo (click icon over to the right if you need more info.) This means I will post at least once a day every day this month. Thrilling, isn't it? I can feel the chills running up and down your spine as you read this. Yup...